Jesus

I Am Not In Control

/ Neal Embry / Leave a comment

In case you don’t know, I’m 23 years old.  The reason this is important is that for the past 22 years, my life has been pretty secure.  For the first 18 years, I did what a majority of kids did.  I went to school.  I did homework.  I saw my family.  Same old, same old.

I knew I was going to Montevallo six months before I graduated.  I never had to worry about a stressful decision.  Montevallo gave me more money than Alabama, I wanted a small school, so I went to UM.  Not much stress there.

For the last four and a half years, I was back and forth between Montevallo and Vestavia, with summer trips to Virginia and the Philippines in between.  I knew where and who I was–a Mass Comm student, member of the BCM, friend, family member, etc.  I had class, I had BCM events, I knew what I was doing the next semester five months before it got there, and everything seemed to just coast along.

It was easier to follow God in this structured life.  It was easy to find ways to glorify Him in my work, relationships, ministry opportunities, etc.  I had a plan.  I was going to be at UM for 4.5 years, get a degree, get a job, and serve a church.  I was going to stay in town, work at a local paper, go to seminary, and not much would change, other than location and job.

And now, about four months after graduation, I can confidently say that nothing has gone according to plan.  I thought I’d start seminary and finish in four years.  Now, I don’t know if I’ll finish it in seven.  It may take me ten.  I thought for sure I’d find a job somewhere in the state.  Nope.  I thought for sure that this great, logical, rational plan I had made up for myself was going to work.

The old joke is that if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him what your plans are.  While I don’t hear God laughing, I do hear Him speaking those dreaded words that I never like to hear: “You are NOT in control.  No matter how much you think you are, you are not God, and you never will be.”

If you asked me if I thought I was God, if I thought I was in control, I’d probably laugh in your face.  Because, on the surface, that sounds preposterous.  But deep down, and in the everyday, when I start to see how real that lack of control really is….I know I’ve made it an idol.  I’m scared, not because I fear moving away or taking longer in seminary than I thought I would.  I’m scared because I’m not in control.  I am a control freak.

And I am a sinner.  I try to control my own salvation.  I want to be the one who makes God happy.  I want to be the one who changes my own life.  I want to do it, I want to prove myself, I, I, I, I, and I.

But the gospel gets rid of me and inserts Jesus in my place.  I do not earn my forgiveness, Jesus does.  I don’t make God happy, Jesus does.  I don’t prove myself before God and earn His approval, Jesus does.  I am not righteous, Jesus is.  I can’t even change my own heart.  Jesus does.

I am nothing.  I have nothing.  I’m convinced the reason I struggle to rest in Christ and trust that I’m saved is because I am a control freak.  It’s seemingly impossible for me to trust someone else to do something I need done.  And so I freak out, until I feel like I have control over the situation.  But I never have control.  It’s a facade.  My salvation is found in Christ’s finished work, not my prayers.  If I’m trusting my own ability to control my salvation, I’m not trusting Jesus.  This isn’t just stupid, it’s deadly.

For the first time in my life, I’m beginning to understand just how small I am, and that I literally have no control.  I can’t control God, I can’t control others, and I can’t control my own life.  I have no idea what God is about to do.  For goodness’ sake, I just got two emails apologizing that jobs in Minnesota and North Dakota have already been filled.  NORTH DAKOTA! (No disrespect to ND).  I’d be less than an hour away from Canada (Yes, I did check)!  If you had told me a year ago that I’d even be applying for jobs in that part of the country, I’d call you crazy.  I don’t know where I’m going to be living in the next month.  I don’t know what church I’ll be attending (another thing that hasn’t changed in 20 years).  I don’t know what I’ll be doing.  And every year after this one seems less and less secure.

Obviously, part of this is just life, and the process of growing up.  I understand that.  It happens to everyone, Christian and non-Christian.  But, as a Christian, it forces me to ask myself if I really trust God.  Do I really trust Him to finish what He started?  Do I really trust Him to keep me following Christ, even if that’s across the country?  Do I really trust that His will is better than my will?  Do I really trust Jesus to be all that He’s promised to be?

I need to, that’s for sure.  And so I pray, earnestly, that God would give me faith.  Not just an intellectual, theologically rich faith.  But a real faith from my heart that leads to resting in Jesus, to joy in Jesus, and, ultimately, to a life that glorifies the King.  I don’t have that right now.  But 1 Peter says that Christians are being guarded by God’s power, through faith.  It is God who gives faith.  All that’s left is for me to ask Him, to trust Him to do it, and to keep following Him as He fulfills His promises.

Jesus never promises that I’ll be able to see what’s going to happen.  One day, Peter was fishing for fish.  In the course of that same day, he stopped doing what he was doing, and started following the King of the universe, fishing for men.  That’s how quickly Jesus changes things.

So I don’t know what will happen.  But God does.  And I’m going to let that be enough for me.

May we trust in Your wisdom and not our own, God. May we find everything we need, from salvation to breakfast, in You.  Amen.

God bless,

Neal E.

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Me

/ Neal Embry / Leave a comment

Matthew 10: 38 says: “And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”

If you’ve grown up in the church, I feel it’s safe to assume you’ve heard this verse.  It’s one of the most well-known passages, and one of the most used. And yet, up until recently, I’ve always felt uneasy with it.

Maybe it’s because in the context of Matthew 10, Jesus is giving this command to His disciples as He’s telling them that they will be persecuted for His sake.

Maybe it’s because when Jesus says persecuted, at least in this context, He doesn’t mean having the liberal media “attack” you, or having your TV show cancelled, or even losing your job because of your faith in Him.

Maybe it’s because Jesus tells them they might die. They will suffer. They’ll be beaten.

“Brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death, and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake.”–Matt. 10:21

Jesus tells them like it is. And then He tells them, right after telling them to take up their cross, that they must love Him more than they love their family.

And we read this passage and weep. We read this passage and realize we aren’t as committed to Jesus as we should be.  We make plans to share our faith more, to be bolder about what we believe, to spend more time with Jesus, etc.

None of these are bad ideas. We should share our faith boldly, we should spend more time with Jesus, and we should care about glorifying Him in everything we do.

However, as I read this passage and I look at Jesus, I’ve realized something:

I will never take up my cross and follow Jesus until I am resting in the truth that Jesus first took up His cross for me and followed the Father to Calvary to atone for my sin.

When Jesus calls us to take up the cross, He’s not telling us to pick up a lot of self-discipline and be better Christians.  He’s calling us to see what He has done, how He picked up His cross and paid for all of our sin. Then, and only then, will we find the freedom, because we’ve been forgiven by God, because we are righteous before Him in Christ, because we are dearly beloved children, to take up our cross daily, declare Jesus as Lord over all of life, and give our lives to His glory, whatever that may mean.

When Jesus calls us to die to self, we must remember that “He became sin who knew no sin so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Dying to self isn’t a way to get God to approve you. Dying to self is a sign before God and men that you understand what Jesus did for you–that He denied Himself so that we may be saved, that we may trust in His finished work and be forgiven and righteous, completely free from any effort on our part–and that dying to self is the ONLY proper response to this great King.

When we repent of our sin, we declare that Jesus is Lord, and that we are not. And we place all of our hope for salvation in the finished work of Jesus Christ alone. We have trusted Jesus to make us new, laying down our rebellion to begin to walk with Him, trusting Him alone. And as we do that, we see that what we have in Jesus (new life, forgiveness, eternal hope, righteousness, love, honor, purpose) is more than enough. Then, and only then, do we find the freedom, true freedom, to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength.

You see, what’s happened is that we’ve taken the commands of Christ and we’ve separated them from the work and person of Christ Himself. And when we do that, we run the risk of creating a new law for ourselves, rather than truly love Christ and surrender our lives in joyful, God-given gladness for the sake of the gospel.

Jesus never calls us to do anything He has not already done.  He is not some distant boss that is afraid to get His hands dirty.  He is the divine King, who surrendered His rights for our sake.  He is the Son of God, giving up His eternal home in glory to live amongst sinful men and die for their redemption.  He is the coming Lord, who reigns in our hearts and shows us the best way to live, the only truly God-honoring way.  He is our Friend, who loves us dearly and gives us joy in His presence.

We cannot and must not separate the commands to follow Christ from the gospel.  Jesus commands us to follow Him because “It is finished.” Following Jesus is never about adding to His finished work.  It is responding to it. It’s turning from an old life of sin and rebellion to gladly receive Jesus as Lord, as He reconciles us to God, showing us how to do what we were made to do: enjoy God’s presence and reflect His holiness. It’s turning from self-righteousness to lean wholly on the perfection of Christ alone. It’s turning from guilt and shame to rest in the finished, perfect, once-for-all sacrifice Christ made on our behalf.

And from this salvation, having been made a “new creation” in Christ, reconciled to God, forgiven of our sins, having a new life with our Lord, we go forth and proclaim His name to a lost and dying world.

No matter the cost.

Lord, may our hearts be led by you and you alone.  May we remember what you have done for us in taking up your cross and dying for our sins, and rising to be our eternal Lord.  May we make much of you for all eternity. May our faith be strengthened by the truth of the gospel.

God bless,

Neal