God

The Grace of God Changes Our Relationships: Eph. 6:1-9

/ Neal Embry

Last week, we talked about how the grace of God changes our marriages. This week, we examine more of how God’s grace changes other relationships in our lives.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”–6:1-4

Peace in the home creates more opportunity for holiness and godliness, whereas strife and fighting tends to lead to more and more sin. When we understand that God has treated us with grace in Christ, and that we now have peace with God, we will seek to be people of peace.

Children in Christ ought to obey their parents because God has become their heavenly Father, and in showing honor to earthly parents, they show honor to God. All people are then called to “honor” their father and mother.

But what if my parents aren’t Christian? Paul doesn’t seem to clarify and give exception. He simply says to obey your parents, and to honor your father and mother. Now, Jesus makes it clear you cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). So obedience to God must come first. But unless that obedience is threatened, one of the best ways a Christian youth can glorify Christ and point their parents to Christ is to obey them, regardless of whether or not they know Jesus.

But there’s a second part to this: Fathers ought to bring their children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” and not provoke them to anger.

Some of the most controversial videos posted on social media over the past few years have been those of parents shaving their kids hair, or something similar, as “punishment.” Some people think this is acceptable, because it teaches their kids “accountability.”

Instead, I believe this “provokes” your kids to be angry. That’s not the discipline and instruction of the Lord, that is shaming your children on social media, which is not the same.

Just as our heavenly Father disciplines us, so we are to discipline our children. It is never out of anger, but out of love. It is out of a desire to see our children grow to trust and love God.

And in the same way our Father assures us of His love, so we are to assure our children of our love by providing them, telling them, and prioritizing their needs over ours.

I experienced the discipline of the Lord from my mother and grandparents, who taught me the love of God, as well as what the Christian life should look like. Because of that, when I became a Christian, I was better prepared to live the Christian life.

The goal of the Christian home is for children to reflect the grace of God by honoring parents as we honor God as Father and for parents to raise children who know the grace of God expressed in love and discipline.

“Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.”–6:5-9

Slavery existed in some form in biblical times. Bondservants were able to buy their freedom and typically had a better life than slaves in 19th-century America. However, they weren’t always treated well, hence the need for Paul’s admonition to Christian slave-owners. There is no condoning of slavery, but there is truth to be found in this passage as to how we treat those in authority over us.

Our “earthly masters” today may be bosses or school teachers, or even the government. The same principle from the first part of this passage applies: No authority can supersede that of the Lord’s authority, but up until that happens, we are to honor God by honoring others.

And this is not meant to be done with rolling eyes and an insincere heart—we are to truly serve others. The Christian life is meant to be genuine, not faked.

In the same way, masters, those with authority, ought to treat their employees as they would the Lord, with respect and humility. Christian bosses should treat their “lowest” employees like the CEO, because though we had earned nothing before God, He called us to be His children at the cost of His Son. We can only reflect that grace.

When grace permeates our relationships, pride, anger, and strife ceases, and gives way to grace, humility, and selflessness. May God give us more of His grace.

Lord, may we always treat others with the grace you show us. May we seek to treat our parents, children, bosses and employees with that grace. May we live all of our lives for your glory.

God bless,

Neal E.

The Grace of God Changes our Marriages: Ephesians 5:21-33

/ Neal Embry

God’s grace comes, not just as a ticket to heaven, but as a way to make all things new. That certainly includes forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and a righteous standing before God, who has become our heavenly Father. But God’s grace also changes our personal relationships, and Paul details three of those relationships toward the end of his letter to the Ephesians: marriage, parent and child, and bond-servant and master. Today, we’ll examine how God’s grace changes our marriage.

“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”–5:21-24

You may have wondered why verse 21 wasn’t included in the previous two posts, as part of the section usually titled “Walk in Love.” This is one of those times where dividing what is meant to be read as a letter into sections hurts. Verse 21 precedes the subsequent section by bringing the reader’s mind to the topic of submission.

As a church, we submit to others. We won’t fully understand or appreciate God’s commands regarding submission in marriage, to our parents or to authorities until we understand the truth that as believers, we submit in humility to everyone, out of reverence for Christ, who submitted Himself to the point of death on a cross.

The million-dollar question that’s always asked when these passages are discussed is: What is “submission?” What does that mean; what does that look like in my life?

To submit means recognizing that I am not my own. If we belong to Christ, we belong to the body, which means my life is not simply lived for own sake, but for the sake of others. I have a role to play, and it does not revolve around me, but around the Lord and other people.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many,” Mark 10:45 says. We follow our Savior’s lead, realizing that we work for others, not the other way around.

That character trait must be understood before it is applied to specific situations. So what does it look like in marriage?

For the wife, it means loving submission to her husband. This is not a simple acquiescence to whatever her husband asks, but an attitude of love, trust and respect that seeks to help her husband lead the family. As a believing woman, she submits to God’s will for her life, and, in doing so, submits to her husband and his leadership. Wives submit to their husband because they submit to the Lord.

Does that mean, as some unfortunately take it to mean, that “a woman’s place is in the home?” Or that women ought not speak in the presence of men? Or that a woman should never speak her mind? By no means! Paul is not advocating that women silently go along with their husband down ungodly paths, or that women never contribute to the home or to society as a whole. As the son of a hard-working woman, who worked tirelessly to raise me by herself while working a demanding, full-time job, I’m proud of women who get up early and stay up late to help lead their families. The subject of whether or not a woman should stay at home isn’t discussed anywhere in this passage, and as such, isn’t really up for debate from this text. A woman’s submission to her husband should exist regardless of what job she holds or who brings in more money, just as a husband’s love should exist regardless of those conditions as well. Submission doesn’t mean silence. Submission means respect; submission means trust and, for the wife, submission means respecting her husband’s authority while seeking to humbly offer wisdom and input into important family decisions.

Now, for the husband:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”–5:25-33

Notice how much more Paul says to men here. The role of a husband is not to dominate the marriage and rule with an iron fist, but, like Christ, to sacrificially love, serve and lead his wife and children.

Submission, for the husband, means considering his wife’s needs before his own. Ungodly husbands do this, so how much more so should godly men? Sacrificial love, for Christ, meant bearing a cross to take away our sin. Sacrificial love, for husbands, means seeing your wife’s needs and meeting them. Sacrificial love means we’re more concerned with how our family is doing than we are with the score of the ball game. Sacrificial love means coming home, and instead of expecting our wives to take care of everything, actively seeking ways to love our wives and make them more like Jesus.

Marriage, according to Paul, should be a lifelong growth in holiness. As great as it is to experience life together, the goal of marriage, as is the goal of everything else in the Christian’s life, is to glorify God by becoming more like Christ and fulfilling God’s will for our lives.

I know I struggle with making everything in my life about me. It’s very subtle, because it plays out in how I spend my time, how much time I spend talking to others, and what I expect out of other people. I can be extraordinarily selfish. And if that doesn’t get killed by God’s grace, it will ruin my marriage. So, by God’s grace, I seek to kill that so that I can love my wife in a Christlike way that will honor God and sanctify us.

If I expect my wife to submit to me, I ought to be a man worthy of that trust and submission. See the beautiful picture Paul describes: A man loves his wife more than he loves himself. He sacrifices daily to meet her needs and lead her closer to Christ. The wife lovingly trusts her husband and allows him to lead her and seeks to help him fulfill God’s plan for their lives. This is a wonderful picture of the gospel.

Christ lovingly humbles Himself, serves us, meets our need of forgiveness and salvation, and now calls us to humbly and lovingly submit to Him, listening to Him, following His lead as we live lives that glorify Him. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. Believe the gospel, let it sink into the depths of your heart, and let your marriage be changed by it.

Lord, may we seek to honor you in our marriages. May we be godly husbands who lead our wives, and may we be godly wives who submit to our husbands. May we glorify you in all things, and may we let the gospel and your grace change everything about us and our lives.

God bless,

Neal E.