Christianity

When Loving Is Hard: Matthew 5:38-48

/ Neal Embry / Leave a comment

Today, we finish up the first chapter in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, as recorded in the Gospel of Matthew.  This series has, with the exception of last week’s post and this post, run every Monday, and hopefully that trend will pick back up, and we’ll finish the Sermon on the Mount at the end of August.

One of my favorite songs is called “Loving You is Easy,” by Ben Rector.  In the song, Rector lists several reasons (by using the alphabet) why it’s easy to love this person he’s writing about.  From “all that you’ve done for me,” to being “the only one for me,” there are multiple reasons Ben Rector loves this person.

In our lives, we find it easy to love those who give us reasons to love them.  The people that come to my mind are close friends and family.  I can think of multiple reasons why I love these people.  As Rector says, loving them is easy.

But what about the people who don’t give us reasons to love them?  What about the people that stand against us, who hurt us, who persecute us?  Loving them is most definitely not easy.  Instead of treating others as we want to be treated (Matt. 7:12), we treat others as we are treated by them–straying far from the way of Christ.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies.  It’s one of the defining marks of the Christian faith.  As Jesus says later, everyone loves their friends–it’s why they’re our friends, not our enemies.  But loving those who are against you sets you apart from the world around you.  As Christ followers, we’re called to do this.  But how do we do it?  How has Jesus enabled us to obey these commands?  How can we love, when loving is hard?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil.  But if anyone slaps you on right cheek, turn to him the other also.  And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.  Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.”

Jesus quotes multiple Old Testament passages that do indeed command Israel, as a legal nation, to take an “eye for an eye,” and a “tooth for a tooth.”  Similar punishments are found in old legal systems, such as the Code of Hammurabi.  We typically call the process of the punishment fitting the crime “justice.”  So is Jesus saying that this is wrong, to take an eye for an eye?  To punish those who hurt others?

It’s important to note that the next 11 verses are Jesus’ commands for His followers in their relationships with others.  Jesus is most certainly not giving us His political views.  Jesus is not outing Himself as a pacifist.  It is a good thing, indeed, a gift of God, that we have legal systems in place that punish those who hurt others.  While the law doesn’t change anyone’s heart, it does help curb some sin, and helps minimize, to an obvious extent, the results of sin, in both our lives and others.  This is, instead, Christ’s commands to His followers as it relates to their relationship with those who would hurt them.

God calls us to not take revenge, to not return an eye for an eye, to “not resist the one who is evil,” but to be prepared to take another slap instead of dishing one out in revenge.  In Deuteronomy 32:35-36, God promises to take vengeance, to vindicate His people.  Because He has promised to take rightful vengeance, we can lay aside our vengeance, and leave it to God.  This is not to say that self-defense is not sometimes necessary.  There are times where we need to get out of a situation, because it may lead to further violence.  We also have times where we may need to physically defend others.  Jesus is not condemning getting out of a situation and doing what it takes toward that end, but taking matters into our own hands and returning violence with more violence.

Because Jesus gives us the rights and privileges of the children of God when we come to know Him as Lord and Savior, we can give up our rights to revenge and leave it in God’s hands.  Because our inheritance is in Him, and not this world, we are free to love and serve our enemies, instead of wishing ill will on them and holding grudges and bitterness in our hearts.

Leon Morris puts it this way in his commentary on Matthew: “The principles that we are to refrain from asserting our rights and that we should put the needs of others before our own run through all of life and mark the difference between the servant of God and the worldling.”

Next, Jesus talks about giving to others.  He describes two circumstances: a man losing his tunic in a lawsuit, and someone being forced to walk a mile with someone (implying that they’re carrying something for them).  These men were forced to do things they shouldn’t have been forced to do.  Jesus calls His followers to not only do those things, but to go beyond that and “go the extra mile.”

Once again, these commands must be viewed in light of the entirety of Scripture, which also commands us to be wise and to be a good steward of what God has given us.  We see this more clearly in the next two verses, where Jesus commands His followers to not refuse anyone who would beg or borrow from them.

Jesus says to give to everyone who asks…He does not specify what to give.  Sometimes, we’re called to give what they ask, and trust that God is in control and that He will use that for good.  However, wisdom and common sense dictate that if we know that our giving, specifically of money, will enable sin (such as drug use or alcohol abuse), or it would do more harm than good, it would be wise of us to give something else.  At times, we are not in a position, whether it’s for lack of money or a knowledge that it would go toward sin, to give those who beg from us money.  However, we can pray for them.  We can buy them a meal.  We can share Jesus with them.  I’ve been on mission trips where it was absolutely not allowed to give anyone money or material goods–but we were most definitely commanded and encouraged to give them Jesus and a copy of God’s Word.  We give to others, as opposed to passing by them as if we are more important.

We are not more important than Christ, but God the Father sent His only Son so that we can be saved, despite our sin.  We honor Him as those who trust and follow His Son by treating all people as more significant than ourselves.  That often means that although they ask for material goods that would only push them further away from God, we give the gospel.  We share Jesus, and give only that which will help them.  Being a good friend to both friends and enemies means meeting their needs, which aren’t always the same as their wants.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.  For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?  Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others?  Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Funny story: God never said to hate your enemies.  Ever.  That phrase is nowhere to be found in the Old Testament.  There are all sorts of commands about loving your neighbors, but God never defines who that is.  Why?  Because everyone is your neighbor.  Even asking, “Who’s my neighbor?” is a silly question and shows an intent to not go beyond the letter of the law.

We are, as believers, called to love and pray for all people.  Why?  Because God loves all people.  He gives common grace to all.  People who hate Jesus prosper in this life.  It’s a common complaint from God’s people through the Old Testament, and is still a complaint we have today.  But these blessings are not a sign of God’s saving love, but of His general love for all creation.  In fact, His common grace is to show His goodness and lead unbelievers to repentance and faith toward Jesus.

So when we consider our enemies, we ought to take God’s attitude toward them.  This means that while we do not affirm their sin, we pray for their repentance.  We pray God would bless them so they would come to know Jesus.  One of the most powerful things you can do is pray for someone you cannot stand.  It becomes really hard to have a bitter, unloving attitude toward someone you pray for.

As I said earlier, this is a mark of genuine Christians.  What do we do toward those who harm us?  Craig Blomberg, in the New American Commentary on this passage, says, “The true test of genuine Christianity is how believers treat those whom they are naturally inclined to hate or who mistreat or persecute them.”

As Jesus says, if we only love and serve those who love us and agree with us, we aren’t any better than an unbeliever.  Because we know Jesus, who loves His enemies to the point of death on a cross, we love and pray for all people.

I hesitate to tell this story, because there’s unfortunately a temptation to revive unforgiving attitudes.  But this moment in my life was formative in my understanding of grace and the gospel and forgiveness, and has helped me become more like Jesus.

My grandmother on my dad’s side passed away this past January.  For those who aren’t familiar with my story, my parents divorced when I was two, and I didn’t meet my dad until I was 19 years old.  I met my grandmother when I was 20, and she passed away right after I turned 24.  I saw her three times in my life.

When we went to the funeral in her hometown, at the visitation, one of her older friends came up to me and my mother, and, in what was I’m almost sure an attempt to be funny, said, “She sure loved you. I don’t know why she loved you so much, you never came to see her.”

As three or four of my friends can attest, the text messages I sent over the next 45 minutes were not exactly Christlike.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in my entire life.  This woman had not only offended me….I could get over that.  She had offended my mother, which hurt even worse, and my immediate thought was, “If you weren’t an elderly lady, I’d have punched you in the face by now.”  Seriously.  I don’t say that to sound tough (because there’s nothing tough about hitting old ladies…), but because in my sinful, prideful, rage, I wanted to inflict harm, because harm had been inflicted on me and my family.  I thought about screaming at this woman, letting her know how much she hurt me and my mom, and how she needed to repent of her wicked, evil words.  I thought about losing my temper in ways I hadn’t lost it in years, since before I became a Christian.

That night, nothing really changed, other than that I mellowed out a little bit.  I wasn’t quite as angry, but I was still plenty mad.  And I most definitely hadn’t forgiven her.  I had heard God telling me to forgive her, but I wasn’t ready yet.

The next morning, as we got ready for the funeral service, God called and said, “It’s time.  You need to forgive her.”  “But God, did you not hear what she said?  Did you not hear that?  She deserves to be slapped.”  God asked me a simple question: “Neal, are you forgiven?”  “Of course, God….”  Pause.  Conviction.  Repentance.  Somehow, in the midst of my anger, I had forgotten that I was forgiven because Jesus died and God had given me faith to confess my sins and trust in Him.  I had done nothing to deserve it.  And I never would.  “Of course, God…”…who do I think I am?  God gave me grace that covers all of my stupid, disgusting sin, and I was holding a grudge against this woman, refusing to forgive her.  In that moment, God assured me of His love, that the cross was for me, that I was forgiven, and used the power of the gospel to bring me to forgive her.  To love this woman that had very quickly become the closest thing to an enemy I’ve ever known.

God never told me I was wrong in being angry.  In fact, there was a peace that me and God agreed that what this woman did was wrong.  It was wicked.  But so was the sin in my life.  And I was forgiven.  And while I certainly wasn’t ready to be good friends with this woman, I learned to love and pray for my enemies.  To forgive them.  To pray for their repentance, to pray God would bless them so they would learn to follow Him.  I learned that loving my enemies doesn’t mean I become their best friend, but that I treat them, and pray God would treat them, the same way I want God to treat me–with grace.  With compassion.  I learned the hard truth that forgiving someone always cost the one who’s doing the forgiving.  I had to absorb the hurt, and not throw it back at her, in the same way that on the cross, Christ absorbed my sin, took on the wrath of God, and offered me the chance to be saved through faith in Him.

The gospel isn’t just for getting right with God.  It is for everyday, as we deal with the people who hurt us the most, who hate us the most, because the gospel reminds us that we were once those who hurt God, who hated God, but by His grace, through Jesus, He’s redeemed us, adopted us and forgiven us.  And because of that, we are free to love our enemies.

Jesus closes chapter five with the command to be perfect, as God the Father is perfect.

Bad news: You and I are not perfect.  We do not love our enemies as we should.  We do not give our revenge to God as we should.  We do not give to those in need as we should.  By God’s grace, as Christians, we are hopefully growing in holiness, but we never outgrow our need for the work of Christ on our behalf.

Good news: Jesus is perfect.  Jesus is righteous for us while we were yet His enemies.  Jesus did not resist evil, sinful men–He left His home in heaven to come rescue us.  He did not return our slaps and our spit and our curses–He prayed for our forgiveness.  He didn’t just give up His clothes–He gave up His life.  He was the one who went the extra mile for us, who carried His cross so we could be carried by His grace into eternal fellowship with God.  When we beg of Him, He gives us what we truly need–Himself.  Jesus prayed not only for His disciples, but for all that would come to know Him, and for the entire world.  Jesus loved His enemies so much He shed His blood and took on the wrath of God so they can be saved.  Jesus didn’t just love His friends–He shed His blood for His enemies that they become His friends.  He was perfect, so we can be perfect through Him.

And it is only through faith in Him, trusting Him to be Lord and lead us, trusting in His righteousness for us, and trusting in His cross for our forgiveness, that we can be restored to God.  And in the gospel, when we grasp who we are in Christ and what He’s done for us, we can, with the work of the Spirit, begin to love our enemies as we should.  We can be who we are in Christ.  We can love, even when loving is hard.

Lord, may we never forget that we were once enemies of God.  May we never forget the price you paid so we could be forgiven.  May we never forget the grace you’ve shown in rescuing us and bringing us back to God.  May we trust you with our revenge, knowing that you are God, and you are holy.  May we pray for others to see you, to repent and trust you.  May we love those who hate us, give to those who ask as they need, and may we model you in putting others, even and especially those who would be our enemies, above ourselves.

God bless,

Neal E.

Faithfulness: Matthew 5:31-37

/ Neal Embry / Leave a comment

This is the fifth in a series of posts on the Sermon on the Mount.  This series generally runs every Monday, but, due to extenuating circumstances, this week, and next week, the post will come in the middle of the week.

Today’s post deals with faithfulness for followers of Christ, particularly in the areas of marriage and promises.  Given the recent political decisions that have been made, this post is well-timed.

Divorce is a nasty word.  Much like cancer, divorce rips apart families, destroys lives, and leaves scars on multiple people for the remainder of their lives.  Divorce certainly is not the way God intended marriage to end.  Even as fallen humans, we understand that divorce is something we’d rather avoid.  But, unfortunately, it is a reality that impacts not only non-Christians, but also those inside the church.

As someone who comes from a home impacted by divorce, this issue is much more personal and emotional than some other passages of Scripture.  Let me clear the air before diving into Scripture: This post is not intended to attack anyone who has gone through a divorce.  This post is not intended to heap guilt on those who have already repented for an unbiblical (key word alert) divorce.  The purpose of this post, and all my posts, is to shed light on what God’s Word says regarding our lives, and what we need to do in response to it.

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

It’s important to understand the background of this passage before drawing out implications.  Jesus is quoting the Pharisees’ interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which reads:

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination to the LORD.  And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

In essence, a marriage that ended on the grounds of infidelity ended in the eyes of God, and both parties were allowed to remarry, so long as the woman was given a certificate of divorce.  Here’s how the Pharisees interpreted Moses’ words: I can divorce my wife for any reason, as long as I give her a certificate of divorce.

Before sin corrupted the world, and us, divorce was not a reality.  It was not in God’s original, perfect design for marriage.  It is an evil, unfortunate result of a fallen world.  It is not an issue to be taken lightly.  Jesus calls out those who would seek an easy divorce, simply because their spouse is no longer attractive, no longer as much fun to be around, or they “just don’t love them anymore.”  Understand that the fact that Jesus has to give commands regarding divorce is in itself an indication that everything and everyone is fallen and in need of a Savior.

So what does Jesus say?  When is divorce acceptable?  Jesus echoes Moses’ words, which he received from God the Father: Divorce is acceptable ONLY if sexual immorality has taken place.  Sexual immorality includes any sexual activity outside the marriage relationship.

Both marital infidelity and wrongful divorce are an abomination to God, for God is a God of faithfulness, a God of commitment, a God who puts others needs before His own, and in being unfaithful to our spouse, or in leaving a marriage because it is hard or we just “don’t feel like it anymore,” fails to honor God as those made in His image, as those called to walk as He walked.  Christ did not leave Earth before it was time, even when it got hard.  Christ did not become unfaithful to God, even when tempted by the devil himself.  And so, as His followers, we are commanded to be faithful in our marriage.

I made a note of how this post is timely given the recent political decisions that have been made.  Let me be clear: The Bible clearly states that same-sex “marriage” is sinful, that same-sex behavior is sinful, and that those with same-sex attraction are sinners in need of a Savior.  But lest we forget that God’s law applies to heterosexuals as well, let’s be clear in saying this: Wrongful divorce and pornography are just as much, if not bigger, issues for our world than same-sex “marriage.”  Wrongful divorce rips apart God’s design for marriage and faithfulness, while pornography supports the sex slave industry.  How dare we rage against same-sex “marriage” without raging against the sin in our own lives!  Romans 3:23 says that ALL have sinned and ALL fall short of the glory of God, and praise God, verse 24 says that ALL are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.  There is no room for boasting at the cross.  We all need to repent and trust Christ.  We all need to trust Christ to come forgive us and make us new, whether homosexual or heterosexual.

Furthermore, we need to check our attitudes about divorce, and marriage in general.  If our questions to God about marriage and divorce end at “When is divorce okay?,” we’re asking the wrong questions.  We don’t need to be concerned with the bare-minimum.  No, you shouldn’t cheat on your spouse.  No, you shouldn’t get a wrongful divorce.  But there are pagans who abide by those standards.  As believers, clothed in the righteousness of Christ and under His Lordship, shouldn’t we be concerned with honoring God in all things, not just appeasing Him so He doesn’t get mad at us?  We use the example of a “line” in romantic relationships.  We don’t want to cross the “line,” where we fall into sin.  But so often, our attitude is, “We’ll get right up to the line and not cross it,” instead of, “Jesus, what actions/thoughts/beliefs should we take to fully honor you in our relationship?”  That betrays an attitude of still wanting to please self and glorify self, instead of being pleased with God and glorifying Him.  In marriage, I hope we aren’t just satisfied with not crossing the line of infidelity and wrongful divorce.  It would break my heart if, some day in the future when I am married, my wife was asked, “What’s the best thing about your relationship with your husband?” and she answered, “Well…he doesn’t cheat on me, I guess that’s good.”  That would absolutely crush me.  Why?  Because there are awful, evil people who don’t cheat on their wives.  That’s like saying, “At least I’m not like Hitler.”  I would certainly hope you don’t want to exterminate an entire race of people and take over the world, but that doesn’t even come close to making you an ideal man or woman!

We ought to be focused on honoring God in our marriages by being loving, serving, Christlike, forgiving, patient, kind, etc.  I would hope that my wife one day says, “The best thing about our relationship is that he pushes us to trust, love, and look more like Jesus Christ.”  That’s a whole lot better than, “At least he doesn’t cheat on me.”

As believers, the question of, “When is divorce acceptable?” should never come up.  Divorce isn’t an option, because unfaithfulness is not an option.  Should unfaithfulness happen, yes, you have the right to get a divorce (that doesn’t mean you HAVE to get a divorce).  But we shouldn’t even be thinking of unfaithfulness.  We are following Jesus.  We have been completely forgiven, and been declared completely righteous.  We represent the living God, and we are called to commit to, love and serve our spouse as God commits to, loves and serves us.  The only option before us is faithfulness.

Moving on, Jesus discusses the issue of oaths:

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.  And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.  Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

Have you ever been around someone that told a lot of stories, stories that often started with the words, “True story, true story…” or “I swear this one time….” or even, “I promise this really happened?”  Are you more or less likely to believe that person’s story than if he or she had never tried to convince you it really happened in the first place?  For most of us, we’re probably less likely to believe them.  Why?  Because at the end of the day, you’ll either do what you say you’re going to do, or you won’t.  You’re either honest or you’re not.  Adding promises and swearing does not in any way make you more credible.  That’s exactly what Jesus is getting at in these verses.

People in Jesus’ time, and our time, often invoke the name of God in making promises.  “I swear to….I won’t do that again.”  Or, “I swear on all that is holy, that I’ll be there this time.”  Jesus condemns both the flippant use of His name and the worthless use of false promises.  When we attach God’s name to our oaths/promises in the flippant manner that Jesus is addressing, we’re not showing respect for God’s name.  Instead of God’s name being revered as holy, His name serves as a reputation-building tool that somehow makes me more trustworthy.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, followers of Christ don’t need to make oaths.  We ought to have character and integrity that speaks to our trustworthiness, rather than having to make empty promises and take the Lord’s name in vain.  As stated before in talking about marriage, we are to be people who commit to and love others, and people who make good on the promises we make.  We represent a God who always keeps His promises, and so we ought to always keep ours, so long as we can.  That is, when your car breaks down on a busy highway and you won’t make it to lunch, that’s a good excuse (It’s also really annoying).  Extenuating, unavoidable circumstances are one thing–life happens.  That’s not a matter of integrity, that’s a matter of 10-year old cars beginning their slow, expensive journey to the junkyard.  What is NOT a good excuse, as mentioned in relating to wrongful divorce, is “I just didn’t feel like keeping that promise.”  “My attitude changed.”  “I’m just really tired.”  If you are following Christ, you have died to yourself.  What you feel like doing doesn’t matter.  The glory of God is what we live for.

Think about Jesus: He never added, “I swear I’ll do this” to any of His promises.  He did speak under oath, as do some Christians today on a witness stand, but this was not an invoking of God’s name to make up for some lack of integrity on His part, but simply Jesus respecting the law of the land–His integrity and His honesty remain the same, regardless of whether He’s officially under oath or not, and ours should as well.

These are challenging words from Jesus.  And here’s the bad news: We have all failed at being faithful, in some area.  You may not have cheated on your spouse.  But you’ve broken promises.  You’ve not loved your spouse as you know you should have.  You’ve lied to others.  You’ve not been as committed to God and His Word as you should have been.  We are all faithless.

The good news: We don’t have to stay this way.  We can be forgiven.  We can be declared righteous.  And we can be cleansed.  God is faithful, when we are faithless.  The story of the Bible is the good news that God keeps His promises to promise-breakers.  God is loving to those who are least deserving of His love.  The story of the Bible, the heart of Christianity, is not bad people trying to be good, but dead people coming to life, being forgiven of sin, and being changed by God, out of His great love for them, not out of any merit they have in themselves.

We can repent where we see unfaithfulness in our lives.  We can run to the Father and confess that we’re terrible, that we’ve sinned against Him, and that we’re turning to Him because we don’t want to stay this way.  And we can trust that where we failed to obey God, Christ obeyed for us, and we are righteous in Him.  We can trust that the sin we’ve committed, Jesus has already died for, and we are forgiven in Him.  We can trust that when we cannot change ourselves, Christ has made the promise to “cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

And He always keeps His promises.  He is always faithful.  And we can trust Him.  And by His grace, we can be faithful.

Lord, may we be faithful because you are faithful.  May we be faithful in our marriages, in our promises, in our walk with you.  May we run to you when we are not faithful, and trust in you for forgiveness and change, and move forward in our walk with you.  May you continue to be faithful to us, even when we are faithless.

God bless,

Neal E.